Ari takes a break from arranging music and mannying to answer to the STC.
1. Your favorite virtue.
Fearlessness. Something to which I aspire, and frequently fall short, but admire in whoever has more of it than me.
2. Your favorite qualities in a man.
A man should have a robust grasp of Latin, a full moustache, and be able to salt pork and preserve fruits for the coming winter.
3. Your favorite qualities in a woman.
I'm attracted to the uniquely feminine zeal for life that's present in certain ladies. Also, I'm a leg man.
4. What you appreciate most in your friends.
My friends are a bunch of half-wits, degenerates, failed poets and hustlers. They make me feel at home.
5. Your dirtiest secret or detail that you wish to reveal here.
I am actually Hosni Mubarak. Topical!
6. Your idea of happiness.
A serious one, then: my idea of happiness is ownership of a very nice piano, a room or two to put it in, and a fruit tree of some kind.
7. If not yourself, who would you be?
The old Jewish joke: "If I was Baron Rothschild, I'd be richer than he is." "How?" "Simple: I'd do a little teaching on the side."
8. Your ideal meal would consist of... (you may choose an appetizer, a three-course main, a dessert and a beverage.
Mmm, food. Well, let's see: Chips and guac, for starters. Then a whole fried fish (head on) with lime, matzo ball soup, and something made with chickpeas. Dessert must include fresh cherries. If it were my last meal, I would drink a Jamba Juice, but if we're just going to live again tomorrow, then I suppose a glass of whole fresh milk.
9. What is your present state of mind?
Present state of mind is a jumble of nerves, hopes, logistics and a faint yet persistent longing for Chinese food.
10. How many of the 15 fetishes do you have, and to what degree? You may specify.
A gentleman does not kiss and tell. Nor does he handcuff, tickle, don a clown costume, misuse carrots, or confuse house pets and tell.
11. Has doing this play affected your sex life? If so, how?
12. Your most-listened to tracks on your iPod (or other MP3 player).
iPod says it's "Chocolate Jesus" by Tom Waits, but I think I've spent more time with "Ruby, My Dear" by Monk and Coltrane.
13. Your motto.
Nunquam ubi sub ubi.