Please answer all of the following to the best of your ability. If you're not sure, follow your impulse. This is the only time you should follow your impulse.
1. In the past, pain has increased or heightened my enjoyment of a sexual encounter.
2. When petting something soft, I sometimes become aroused, comforted, or confused.
3. I find it difficult to pull my eyes away from a girl wearing knee-high socks.
4. I have had sex with more than one person at a time.
5. I have discussed sex with more than one person at a time.
6. The thought of someone "accidentally" walking in on me masturbating or having sex is intriguing.
7. I have given or received a "shrimp job". [def. shrimp job, noun: the act of sucking on toes]
8. I like the smell/sound of leather a little too much.
9. I have eaten a strawberry, or watched someone eat a strawberry, and thought about sex.
10. I excrete waste from my body on a daily basis.
11. I have worn a schoolgirl costume when not going to private school.
12. I have used, purchased, or looked at toys/objects created to heighten or re-create a sexual experience.
13. I have felt romantic love simultaneously with sexual desire.
14. I like fried chicken.
15. I think Al Pacino is still attractive.
If you answered yes to any of the above, you may be a danger to our society. Please contact your local MindSpa® office at 1-877-MindSpa at once. Alternately, write which fetish(es) you have and to what degree (on a 1-10 scale) on our wall, and we will send a helpful MindSpa® professional to deliver you to the nearest facility.
We ensure full health, follow-up care, and True Freedom® -- all after just one visit.
The following are forbidden by law:
1. Sexual Violence: BDSM, all intense sensation, bondage, dominance and submission
2. At-Risk Animal Eroticism: Cosplay, furries
3. Criminal Hedonism: Splotching, food play, feeders
4. Abnormal Exhibitionism: All forms of being watched for pleasure
5. Corporal Objectification: Body parts (e.g., foot fetish), amputee, pregnancy worship
6. Unnatural Bodily Fluid/Material Obsession: Bukkake, all forms of pee/poo, vomit, etc.
7. Illicit Role Play: Clowns, schoolgirls, cops, teachers, plumber, pizza guy, director/audience, playwright/actor, knowledgeable bad girl/surprised and intrigued boy
8. Age Denial: Infantilism, age play
9. Unnecessary Partners: Threesomes, foursomes, moresomes, orgies
10. Extreme Objectification: Inanimate objects, blow-up doll, any non-human organic matter
11. Perverse Voyeurism: All forms of watching for pleasure
12. Gender Denial: Cross-dressing, all gender play
13. Deviant Fabric Obsessions: Latex, saran wrap, balloons
14. Hazardous Commitment-Based Humiliation: Any pleasure experienced by breaking a commitment
15. Self-Inflicted Objectification: Being objectified and had sex with by many, anonymous sex
*Fashioned by members of the MindSpa®, purveyors of True Freedom@. Free your mind, and be free.